Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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