I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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