last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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