I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize