Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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