i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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