Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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