It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
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the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
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Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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