Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
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stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
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I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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