I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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