glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
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He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
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Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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