we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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