I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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