She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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