I think I won the penis lottery.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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