Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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