upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize