A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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