i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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