Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
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Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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