I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize