Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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