I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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