I'm jealous of your bromance
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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