My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
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its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
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Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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