I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
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Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
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My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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