I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize