Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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