Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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