Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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