Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize