I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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