So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
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you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
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Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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