I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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