he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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