she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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