I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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