I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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