I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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