I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
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bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
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Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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