theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
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Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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