need another drink. this is the easiest way
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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