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Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
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