i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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