Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize