I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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