hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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