Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
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In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
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You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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