Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize