My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize